
Image: Wizards of the Coast
Oh, archetypal variation Advanced Dungeons & Dragons. You were pioneering, delightful, horrifying, and ohio truthful bizarre—and the original, 1977 Monster Manual is simply a cleanable example. A compendium of each the creatures that player-characters mightiness brushwood (and fight) during their game, the archetypal publication contains the earliest forms of monsters that D&D players are inactive encountering today… and immoderate they’re not. Like the aboriginal Dungeon Master’s Guide, there’s a batch of weirdness successful the Monster Manual, whether it beryllium info, an illustration, oregon the monsters themselves—which you tin spot for yourself.

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I person ne'er encountered a man-eating ape during immoderate of my crippled sessions, nor person I knowingly met immoderate D&D player who has. I presume they’re present due to the fact that I deliberation Conan the Barbarian fought immoderate once? But adjacent if that’s true, I don’t deliberation anyone tin explicate to maine wherefore encountering mean apes is simply a Very Rare occurrence, but a Carnivorous Ape is Rare…?

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Gary Gygax makes a large woody successful the Monster Manual’s instauration astir however the word “monster” is utilized to mean immoderate creatures the player-characters whitethorn tally into and perchance fractional to fight. But it’s rather jarring to spell from Aerial Servant, Ankheg, and Carnivorous Ape to “Regular Badger.” Admittedly, determination are respective different mean animals listed successful the Manual, and this is conscionable 1 of many, but enactment with me…

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Have I chosen this for the utterly puerile joke? Yes, of course, don’t beryllium ridiculous. But I privation to constituent retired that the Monster Manual includes entries for a Giant Beaver but not a regular beaver, and a regular badger but not a Giant Badger. This happens a batch successful this book, and I cannot ideate however Gygax decided which animals should beryllium tremendous oregon not.

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If your campaigns person been rife with Blink Dogs, delight forgive, but I person ne'er heard of these guys earlier perusing the Manual. As you tin see, they’re Lawful Good Boys who tin teleport, which makes maine fishy they were created arsenic a antagonistic to Displacer Beasts, which are puma-like cats (Gygax’s descriptiojn, not mine) who perpetually task their representation 3 feet distant from wherever they truly are. But those are pumas, and Blink Dogs dependable similar they’re Golden Retrievers oregon something. Complicating the substance further is immoderate the accompanying illustration is of, it is decidedly not a dog.

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There are galore demons listed successful the Monster Manual, and perfectly each their illustrations are worthy a look. But if an io9 scholar doesn’t get a tattoo of this perfectly rad dude due to the fact that of this nonfiction I volition person failed.

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When I archetypal encountered this guy, I stared astatine his illustration for 5 afloat minutes. What could helium perchance be? What is the ample exhaust vent connected his back? Is helium wearing immoderate benignant of puffy vest? What is helium doing to that tree?! Discovering he’s a “landshark” lone makes him much wonderful.

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I cognize shape-changers person been monsters successful Dungeons & Dragons since, well, everlastingly (obviously). But I had nary thought their basal signifier looked similar this. It rules. I privation to enactment with this dude.

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What if a Beholder lived successful the sea? What if a Beholder was redesigned to beryllium a villain successful a cartoon aimed astatine toddlers? The Eye of the Deep answers some of these important questions.

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There are a unusual fig of creatures successful the 1st Edition Monster Manual that devour people’s brains, either psychically oregon physically. Seriously, determination are Brain Moles, Cerebral Parasites, Ear Seekers, Mind Flayers, and Thought Eaters, but I’m lone going to notation the Intellect Devourers (which could person easy been renamed “Thought Eaters” had the sanction not already been successful use). If you work the description, they’re rather deadly, but what I emotion is that they’re conscionable elephantine brains connected legs, which is to accidental they look similar what they eat. Imagine if humans looked similar afloat roast chickens connected legs. It’s fun!

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Irish? Irish?! Irish is not a connection I expect to spot successful a Dungeons & Dragons merchandise of immoderate benignant (and this is nary disrespect to the Irish; the Monster Manual besides lists a Giant Portuguese Man-o’-War and it makes maine arsenic upset). A tiny magnitude of probe led maine to observe determination truly were giant, prehistoric cervid called Irish Deer, but you cognize what they were besides called? Giant Deer.
There is, it should spell without saying, nary introduction for a Giant Deer successful the Monster Manual.

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There are a batch of dinosaurs listed successful the Monster Manual. Like, a lot. But I cognize Conan the Barbarian fought a dinosaur successful his time, truthful I didn’t springiness it that overmuch of a thought. But it never, ever, erstwhile occurred to maine that immoderate player-character successful the Forgotten Realms, Krynn, oregon Greyhawk would ever, ever brushwood a caveman. Somehow, the thought of an elf ranger warring a caveman seems inherently wrong.

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Otyughs person ever been portion of D&D monster pantheon, but Neo-Otyughs disappeared for a portion earlier returned to 5th Edition. What baffles maine is wondering wherefore Gary Gygax decided regular Otyughs needed to evolve, Pokémon-style, alternatively of conscionable changing its stats. At immoderate rate, this feline looks similar idiosyncratic stuck the suit of a Japanese kaiju villain successful an concern microwave. Also, sometimes it feels similar fractional of the creatures successful the Monster’s Manual person tentacles.

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First of all, rude. Second of all, I cognize this gets explained successful the precise adjacent sentence, but “If the slumber spell fails, the hag volition sojourn the unfortunate nightly successful ethereal state, intrude connected the victim’s dreams successful bid to origin him (or her) to go ethereal also, and past thrust the unfortunate until dawn” does unit 1 to halt and contemplate immoderate things.

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Did you spot the picture? Were you surprised? Because I was rather surprised!

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“I’ll instrumentality creatures who look truthful messed up they were rejected from 1980s Satan-rock medium covers for $400, Ken.”

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A salamander is an amphibian that looks similar a tiny lizard and excretes a toxic substance from their tegument which—wait, what the hellhole is that? I’m mystified arsenic to wherefore Gary decided to marque up his ain Salamander alternatively of making up a caller creature.

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First of all, inactive rude. Second, I bash admit these guys are fundamentally Deadites from Evil Dead who person decided to instrumentality an water vacation.

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Despite the name, a Sea Lion is successful information a benignant of seal, and they walk dammit Gary you did it again

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There are illustrations of this elephantine mushroom that emits dependable erstwhile it detects radical adjacent that look little similar a screaming penis. They came later.

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To clarify: immoderate real-world creatures successful the Monster Manual are lone listed successful mean form. Some are lone recovered arsenic Giant versions of themselves. Some are both. But the lone carnal that has Large, Giant, and Huge types are spider. What I’m saying is that I judge Gary Gygax had arachnophobia.

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Sure, Water Weirds are chaotic evil h2o elementals, but this 1 conscionable wants to springiness a dude a precocious five. Roll a Saving Throw against “Down Low, Too Slow!”

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Wererats are really precise communal monsters successful Dungeons & Dragons but if I person to look astatine this nightmare illustration you do, too.

Image: Wizards of the Coast
Take a deep, agelong look astatine this thing. Then, I privation you to ideate the evolutionary way that indispensable person occurred for the Xorn to extremity up similar this. Should lone instrumentality you the remainder of your life.
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